(Play me for background music)There has been this unsolved mystery, nay, a conspiracy which dates all the way back to Sophomore year of college part I. The crime: sticking peanut butter in the FREAKING FRIDGE! Peanut butter under no circumstances belongs in the fridge, no matter what. Even that all natural stuff I used to eat (which my mom insists on putting in the fridge because it has no "preservatives"...its nuts and oil mom, I think itll be fine) I'm sorry for being over dramatic here, its just that people putting peanut butter in the fridge really grinds my gears!
|"Someone put the peanut butter in the fridge"|
|"Wait a second...."|
FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY:
|"WHO DOES THAT!?!?!"|
We wake up one morning in our apartment after one of those college nights nobody really remembers too much. Someone opens the fridge and finds the peanut butter on one of the shelves next to the random assortment of things we kept in there (probably expired milk, 83 varieties of condiments, and a bag of wine). Nobody fessed up, so suddenly every body's a suspect. Immediately I started looking at my other roommates for telltale signs of a guilty conscience, but alas they revealed nothing. I live with 3 sociopaths apparently...These are the suspects, and for the sake of argument I will include myself.
The next few days everyone was on edge. No one could be trusted, it was a classic Clue scenario. You never knew if you were going to wake up with a horses head in your bed sheets or a cut off finger on the counter top with the words "REDRUM" written in blood on the wall. The scariest part about this whole debacle is that the suspect is still at large. If there's a criminal out there putting peanut butter in the fridge there's no telling what hell do next. I have the worlds greatest crime solvers on the case, knocking on doors, reviewing the facts, collected statements, obtaining alibis, and asking the hard questions. Hopefully one day we can put this all to rest...
We have just one suggestion for the culpret: RUN AND HIDE!